


Choked on Words

by TK_DuVeraun



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Cute, Hanahaki Disease, Idiots in Love, M/M, No Spoilers, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Schmoop, chaotic dumbass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 20:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20645210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TK_DuVeraun/pseuds/TK_DuVeraun
Summary: Caspar coughed and spat out grass. A few slimy, half-chewed yellow petals came out with the rest. “Ew.”It wasn’t the first time he’d inhaled a flower. Actually, it made him think of the infamous nightshade incident when was nine years old and tried to make Linhardt tea. It was just hot water and leaves, right? How hard could it be?Caspar is an idiot with Hanahaki Disease and Linhardt is too tired for this.





	Choked on Words

**Author's Note:**

> I guess this is my life now.

It started one afternoon when he was fighting the tall guys. Caspar hit the ground, his armor digging into his ribs as he rolled and ended up with a mouthful of grass. He coughed and spat out the grass. A few slimy, half-chewed yellow petals came out with the rest. “Ew.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d inhaled a flower. Actually, it made him think of the infamous nightshade incident when was nine years old and tried to make Linhardt tea. It was just hot water and leaves, right? How hard could it be? One of the knights, too short to be the one he’d been fighting, offered him a hand up. Caspar took it and wiped his mouth. 

No matter how much he spit or how much water he drank, he couldn’t get the gritty, leafy taste out of his mouth, so he made his way to the dining hall. He filled up on stew and weak beer and drifted to the training hall to practice. He was going to beat up someone taller than him if it was the last thing he did.

Though hopefully it wasn’t.

\---

“Oh, come on!”

Someone was making fun of him. Caspar was no stranger to teasing, he had an older brother, after all, but the sticky flower petals on his pillow was a little too far. He scooped them out and threw them out his window. Someone on the ground floor yelled in disgusted surprise, so he ducked beneath the window and hoped they weren’t upset enough to count the windows and figure out it was him.

If he was going to get in a fight, he liked for it to be intentional. Not that he was always looking for the fights he ended up in, no matter what Linhardt said.

“Caspar!”

No such luck. He peeked over the window sill. “Sorry Ferdinand!”

“This is behavior distinctly not befitting a noble of your stature.”

At least he was high enough up that Ferdinand didn’t see him roll his eyes. He sat through the lecture and wondered if the professor would accept this as an excuse for being late to class.

Probably not.

\---

It took a month for him to realize that he was no, in fact, being taunted by some flower-petal bully and was, in fact, coughing up the offensive greenery himself. Caspar wasn’t the brightest star in the night sky, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t how flowers worked. He collected some petals on a handkerchief and took them to Linhardt in the library. Just in case.

“Hey, Lin, I’m got a question.”

“I don’t do my own homework. Why would I do yours?”

“That’s not very- Wait, that’s not what I was going to ask!” He shoved the damp handkerchief at him.

Linhardt blinked and tilted his head. He prodded the petals with the end of his quill. “Did you try to make tea again?”

“That was one time!”

“We almost died. Though I did get to spend a week in bed without anyone complaining, so I can’t be too mad.” He pushed Caspar’s hand away. “Alright, why are you presenting me with slimy flower petals?”

“What kind of flower is this?”

“I don’t know. If you feel sick you should go see Professor Manuela.”

“I didn’t eat them!”

Linhardt tilted his head the other direction. “They’re covered with spit. You don’t have to lie to me, you know. You’ve done more embarrassing things than eat flowers.”

“You’ve got it backwards!”

“The flowers are eating you?”

“Are you making fun of me?”

“I’m getting tired of this conversation. Just explain yourself so I can take a nap.”

Caspar shoved the handkerchief in his pocket with a squelch. “I’ve been coughing them up. Mostly in my sleep, but after class sometimes, too.”

“Now that is curious. Flowers can’t exactly grow in your stomach. But imagine if they could! It would be a whole new world of sustenance. I wouldn’t even have to get up and go to the dining hall. Though I suppose the roots growing through your guts wouldn’t be good. I guess I can look into this for you.”

“Thanks, Lin. You’re a life-saver. I woke up last night choking on the stupid things.”

“Don’t do that. You dying would be really inconvenient.”

\---

Talking to Linhardt made the flower problem a lot worse. He started coughing up whole flowers and his chest hurt after less than an hour of training. Felix threatened to cut his lungs out if he didn’t stop making such a racket in the training grounds. Sulking and with a very sore throat, Caspar dragged himself into Linhardt’s room. He wasn’t there, but Caspar was too out of breath to go up to the library. 

After ten minutes, he still hadn’t come back, so Caspar laid back on his bed. His head sank into the pillow and it was the most comfortable thing he’d ever felt. He wasn’t even tired, but he fell asleep in moments.

He woke up to Linhardt sitting on him.

“Oh, there you are.” He yawned. “Edelgard made me eat dinner with her and the Professor and you weren’t in the dining hall. 

Caspar blinked at him and then wiped the layer of petals off his face.

Linhardt picked one up with just the tips of his fingers. “Daffodils. Just as I thought.”

“I thought you didn’t know-” he stopped to cough “-flowers?”

“I did some research about your condition. Apparently, it’s called Hanahaki Disease, or flower vomiting.”

“Well that’s great. I already knew I was coughing up flowers.”

“If you’re going to interrupt me, I’m not going to bother telling you what I learned.”

“Arg, alright, fine, fine.”

“People acquire Hanahaki Disease when they suffer from unrequited love for too long. It’s absolutely ridiculous, of course, but we can’t argue with the facts. The only cure is to make them return your feelings.” He paused. “Or inhale a bunch of weedkiller, but that would probably kill you before the flowers did.”

“But I’m not in love with anyone!” He immediately coughed up not one, but two whole flowers. The petals opened as Linhardt picked one up.

“What about Bernadetta?”

“I don’t even know what she looks like!”

“Petra?”

“My dad killed her dad! It’s too weird.”

“Dorothea?”

“I’m not in love with anyone! The only person I wanna hang out with is you!”

Linhardt put his hand in his chin. “Well that can’t be right because you wouldn’t be sick in that case.”

Caspar sat up in his bed, even though every movement felt like he was tearing things in his chest. “Come on. There’s gotta be something else causing it.”

“The books were very specific. I checked three because it was so fantastic.” He hummed to himself. “But then again, they never specified how the disease knew whether or not the love was requited.”

Winded, aching and tired, Caspar pressed his forehead into his shoulder. “Linhardt, I told you. I’m not in love with anyone.”

Linhardt continued as if he hadn’t heard him, “Would it demand a declaration? What if the two people didn’t speak the same language. That could get awkward.”

Without bothering to move, Caspar coughed up another flower. He felt faint and feverish. “I think it’s getting worse.”

He peeled the flower off his sleeve and dropped it on the floor of his room. He rubbed his fingers together. “Ah, of course. A saliva transfer would do it.”

“A what?”

Linhardt grabbed his face in both hands and placed a wet kiss on his mouth.

At once, something bloomed and something else withered in Caspar’s chest. He pulled away, blushing and sputtering. He coughed experimentally a few times, but the blockage in his lungs was gone and no petals came out.

“There you go.” Linhardt yawned and laid down next to him, not even bothering to switch into night clothes. “Good night.”

Caspar remained still as a stone, sitting up in his bed as Linhardt fell asleep. He ran their conversation over and over in his mind until it made sense. He was used to that kind of thing with Linhardt, but it was surprisingly hard to do in his current position. After the tenth run through or so, he’d been in a lot of distress, give him a break, everything fell into place.

He blushed so hard, he was sure his face was beet-red. He lacked subtlety at the best of times and it would be the height of rudeness to wake him up after saving his life. So really, Caspar had no choice but to just lay back down and sleep there.

Purely as thanks, of course.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up [on tumblr](https://tk-duveraun.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chat or whatever.


End file.
